I think, for one, that I'll keep posting stuff on this blog because, for the most part, I want to keep writing at least something every day. For another, I want to see how far I can take this project and if it will bring me any opportunities. I want to write for a living--I love doing it--and at the moment I don't have anything in particular that I can do. This is about to change as I move into the local job market (which is actually very manufacturing-focused) but, for now, I have a free will to push towards whatever goal I deem appropriate.
This will no longer be a blog where I focus blow by blow on what happens during my day (unless the new job I find is as interesting as the instrument repair shop I left). Instead, I will be writing about stuff that I think other people will find interesting. I think I have a lot to say about the world that I haven't said yet (or hasn't been heard by anyone yet.) And since I have a couple of dedicated readers--mostly people who I know and am close with--I don't want to leave them hanging simply because I lost the opportunity that I was pursuing here in Wisconsin.
I guess this blog has been therapeutic for me. Certainly it has helped other people understand what I am doing and why I am doing it. Without this blog, I don't think anyone would have really understood why I got let go from the repair school like I was. I think this is a good outcome. If you read my whole backlog you can feel and go through what I went through as I gradually realized my own capabilities and the things that were demanded from me by the people in charge.
Now that I'm on the lookout for a job in the local market, I have a new challenge to overcome.
The place that seems most likely at this point is a trumpet manufacturing company called Getzen. I don't think I've heard of their instruments before (I don't remember ever seeing a Getzen trumpet) it seems like they are an established "small" brand.
The problem is that it seems the only open jobs are in the buffing department and the shipping department. On the one hand, I really don't like buffing. I'll do it, but it's the wrong combination of tedious and involved that makes it impossible to forget yourself in your work (as with more complex jobs) and yet impossible to turn your mind off (as with very simple jobs.) It sits in that little space where you have to pay attention just enough to make it hard to daydream but you also do the same thing over and over again without anything to stimulate your mind. Thus, I don't like doing it and don't see how I could do it forty hours a week.
On the other hand, though I've never worked in a shipping department before, it looks to me like that would be a lot less boring and perhaps even a little bit rewarding.
It works like this: I'd rather bag groceries than buff the same dongle over and over again. But packaging and managing a shipping department would be a little bit better than bagging groceries.
Though, ultimately, I want to find a job where my talents at the written word will come into play. For one, I like the ability to control my own schedule and work at my own pace without thinking about what other people see in me. As long as I complete my jobs on time and to the standard that is needed, that is all that matters. I can take a half-hour break whenever I want par the necessity to hit deadlines. If I work faster and more efficiently, I get to reap the rewards in the vein of more results and more free time. I will be judged based on what I produce, not how I appear to be while producing it.
And, I'm just good at writing. I think. At the very least I type fast and am articulate.
The ultimate outcome here would be if I were able to write fiction and sell my books online to keep myself fed and housed. I don't want to make millions or become famous. I just want to perpetuate my love of writing. As long as I make enough to keep myself alive and continuing to write, I will be fine.
The only problem is that no one reads my stuff. I haven't sold a book online in a year, and I've sold maybe a total of ten books online in my entire career. Though I have sold a lot of physical copies at events and festivals, those events only happen once or twice a year, and I don't make nearly enough from them to make it feasible to support myself through that avenue.
I can lose myself in writing for hours. I can take breaks whenever I want for as long as I want as long as I meet the deadlines and quality requirements. This is the perfect scenario for me. Nobody to judge me for being "fidgety" and "not paying attention." A job where I am rewarded for doing the thing I love doing most. This is my ultimate outcome.
Of course, I like repairing instruments as well. That is something that I can see myself doing. But, because of my own incompatibility with the school that I was supposed to train at, I am sitting in a void where I can't chase that outcome.
Even if I were to promise to write ten thousand words every workday (which is about eight hours of writing) I don't think my parents would support that. Maybe they would, but my thinking is that simply writing for writing's sake while hoping to sell what I've written one day doesn't constitute an acceptable job.
Here would be my proposal in that situation: I produce a certain number of words of a novel or book every day, and that can be a replacement for working full time at some other job, like Getzen or the local grocery store. Would that be acceptable?
I don't know. That path is a strange one.
I could also be a freelance writer. I've done freelance writing jobs before, and have made a little bit of money from it--though I also have been scammed. Will this be enough to support me? I don't know.
The only thing I know is that I'd rather do a job that takes skill and allows me to forget the clock to the point where I don't feel the hours drag by. That's the feeling I hate most. Dragging hours. That's why I don't like working jobs where I'm acutely aware of passing time. Any job where I don't experience the phenomena of dragging hours is one that I would love.
Whatever the case, I will try my best.
Quid pro quo, as the saying goes. You get out what you put in.
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