Every day I feel the impending doom hanging over my head in the form of the end of the probationary period. I was given five weeks to prove that I was a good fit for the school I am attending, and so far I feel like I am not getting anywhere. I am two-thirds of the way through with that period. I still don't know if I'll make it.
My parents went to considerable lengths to bring me to Wisconsin. I don't know what I would do if all that were to be for naught. There are always other schools that would be kinder on me, but they aren't close. I would have to repeat the leaps and bounds it took to move to Wisconsin again, having lost everything I put into this adventure. We signed a year-long lease on the apartment, and to break it after only a month would really suck. I don't even know if my parents would support moving me to another school if I failed this one. I'm afraid of coming home after having achieved nothing.
I am trying my hardest at this job, but sometimes I slip up. Sometimes I just can't achieve the quality of workmanship that is required of me, no matter how much I agonize over the details.
Today was a good day, at least. I worked on soldering more mouth pipes and managed to finish a good number. The soldering jobs weren't the best, but I did what I could. I'll be doing this for a little while longer.
The lady who is teaching me during the soldering portion is nice. Several times, after I hurt myself, she was concerned enough to try and help me. I guess it's just the difference between guys and girls, but when my other instructors (all men) saw me get hurt they just said something along the lines of "deal with it, it builds character." The mysteries of gender are obtuse.
I really hope that I don't lose. I don't know what else I could be doing, but in the end, it's all up to the big guy in the sky to determine if this is the path for me.
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