The Alchemist Chapter 34

 

Chapter 34

“So you’re telling us to spread this, stuff, on our crops?” said a villager by the name of Crabin. “How are we to know you aren’t trying to poison us?”

“Trust me,” I said. “I want to run an experiment. We will seed a quarter of your fields with this new fertilizer. Then we will allow the other three quarters to grow your way. This way, no matter what happens, we will know the truth.”

Crabin frowned. “We know your type,” he said. “Just wanting to take advantage of us common folk.”

“I’m changing that,” I said. “I want everyone to have a chance.”

The rest of the villagers surrounding me murmured. Yes, they had a reason to distrust me. Considering what kind of a system feudalism was, this was expected.

“The scientific method starts with hypothesis,” I said. “And this is the hypothesis. Bird poop will increase your yields threefold.”

“Pah,” said one of the villagers. “This noble thinks he knows more about the land than we do.”

I slammed my foot down. “I’m in charge here, and that’s how we’re going to do it.” With these people, who were uneducated and superstitious, the best way to show them would be to demonstrate. I didn’t like being firm, but I had to in order to get where I was going.

The people sighed. “Damn noble thinks he knows everything,” said a young girl.

I approached her, putting my hand on her shoulder. I could hear the collective gasp as I did.

“Look,” I said, to the girl. “I just want what’s best for you guys. You have to believe me in order to reap the benefits.” I tapped her on the shoulder. “Listen to what I say and you’ll see what I’m trying to get you to understand.”

The girl shivered. I pulled away. “All of you,” I said. “Your lives are going to change drastically in the next couple of months. I want you to bear with me. You’re going to have much better lives when I’m through with what I want to do.”

At that moment a number of carriages arrived, carrying builders and building material. They immediately got to work. I sent about twenty of the strongest-looking men to go help with the construction. We were building a school house, a factory floor, and repairing the keep. I think that the sudden increase in work and business made the townspeople forget their ill will towards me.

I gathered about forty of the remaining men and had them spread the bird poop over a quarter of the nearby fields. By the time we were done we had used half of it. That was fine. Once they saw what bird poop could do to crop yields, we would be glad to have the extra.

Wile took this moment to appear, walking down the road on foot. He waved as soon as he saw me.

“Were you going somewhere?” I asked him.

“I play the wandering bard part when I’m bored,” said Wile. It was true; he was carrying a lute on his back.

I shook his hand. “And I’m glad you’re here. If you want you can stay for a bit. I’ll have someone prepare a meal.”

Wile looked at the village. “If you don’t mind,” he said.

“I would have expected you to be in your dragon form more often,” I said.

“I’m not unusual,” said Wile. “Dragons got the message about how unwelcome they are in their draconic forms decades ago.”

“I seem to remember saying something that would contradict that,” I said.

Wile shrugged. “Some dragons, yeah,” he said. He looked at the keep. “Are you the new lord of this place?” he said. “The people here are a little on the strange side.”

“That’s a good thing for me,” I said, “Because you could say that about me as well.”

Wile chuckled. “I appreciate what you’ve done for dragonkin,” he said. “But in any case, do you have any chert?”

“Chert?” I said. “Is that some form of rock?”

“No, though there is a rock that goes by that name. No what I’m talking about is Forest Chert. They’re native here and they are delicious when fried.”

“I’ve been wanting some fried chicken for a while,” I said. “I’m hankering for those eleven herbs and spices.”

Wile chuckled. “Cuisine from your world?”

“Yep,” I said. “Very tasty. Eventually I’ll introduce this world to hamburgers and fries. For the moment, though, we’ll have to deal with medieval fare.”

I went back to the keep, Wile behind me. We entered and met with about ten workers cleaning up the grand entrance hall.

Wile sat down in a corner and began to play his lute. I watched him as the workers busied themselves around me. I would have to hire some cooks, eventually. I doubted that ground beef even existed in this world, let alone hamburgers. I seem to have remembered seeing potatoes. Without potatoes, there will be no fries.

But the biggest thing would be the Colonel’s chicken. Eleven herbs and spices for the win. I took out my smartphone and looked up the recipe.

“Can you cook?” I asked Claude.

“Um, sure,” said Claude.

“Well?”

“Better than most,” said Claude. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“Okay,” I said. I wrote down a list of the eleven herbs and spices. “Can you find these for me?”

Claude looked over the list. “That’s some seriously exotic stuff,” she said.

“Can you find it?”

“If I ask Tanna,” said Claude. She paused. “I’ll call her and tell her to come here.”

“On your magical comm device?” I said.

“Of course,” said Claude. She put the small amulet to her ear and walked away, talking.

I looked back at Wile. “Do you like chicken?” I asked.

“Not a big fan,” said Wile. “It’s a bit bland. Not enough juices like duck or chert.”

“You’re going to love fried chicken,” I said. “The colonel’s favorite recipe.”

“You keep mentioning a Colonel,” said Wile.

I chuckled. “Good old Colonel Sanders,” I said. “The mascot of one of the best chicken houses in America. That, and Popeyes.”

“You seem to remember the cuisine of your world fondly,” said Wile.

“It’s good, and it’s fast. Not necessarily healthy, though.”

Wile continued to play his lute. He sang an old ballad about a war that sounded a bit like the Trojan War back home. Captured princesses, hero with a simple weakness.

Claude returned with Tanna in tow. “What’s this I hear about herbs and spices?” said Tanna.

I motioned vaguely. “The best fried chicken you’ll ever taste,” I said. “Wait, do you guys even have frying technology here?”

“If you mean cooking in hot oil,” said Tanna, “Of course we do.”

“Do you bread your meats before you fry them?” I asked.

“Bread them?” said Tanna. “What does that mean?”

“It means you take bread crumbs, cover the thing you’re going to fry in it, and then do the frying. It makes the meat both juicy and crispy. Add the eleven herbs and spices, and you’re golden.”

“Then let’s get cooking!” said Tanna. “You have a kitchen here, right?”

“I do!” I said. I led Tanna, Claude, and Wile into the servants’ kitchen. It was rather cramped considering the size of the keep, but it was a servants’ place in medieval times, so it wasn’t surprising.

Tanna went out to grab some birds and some spices from Freedom Hill’s market. I wasn’t expecting the market of a tiny hamlet to have much in the way of spices, but it wouldn’t hurt to look. And I knew Tanna had a huge chest of spices back at the Guardians’ HQ. We would tap into that if we had to.

Tanna was back in half an hour. In the meantime, I had gotten half a gallon of oil boiling in a large pot. I had also secured a ladle and punched holes in it. When we were ready, we butchered the chickens, made breadcrumbs with stale bread, and fried everything with the four spices Tanna did manage to find at the market.

The chicken took ten minutes to cook and then we had a plate to rival the Colonel’s family bucket. I took the first bite.

“Delicious,” I said.

“Absolutely,” said Wile. He had an expression of bliss on his face. “This is the best chicken I’ve ever tasted.”

“Try it when we have all eleven herbs and spices,” I said.

Tanna sighed. “They’re going to come out of my spice cabinet, aren’t they?” she said.

“It’s worth it,” I said. “Remember how worth it the cola was?”

“I’m still brewing the stuff to this day,” said Tanna. “It’s a big hit. But you can’t steal all my spices. I need to keep some for my own personal use.”

I chuckled. “I told you. It’s worth it. The chicken we’re eating now is half as tasty as I remember it being back at KFC.”

“Kf …” said Wile.

“Kentucky Fried Chicken,” I said. “There’s this concept in my world called “fast food.” You basically walk up to a counter, order off a small menu, and have your food delivered in five minutes.”

Wile leaned back in his chair, playing with a chicken bone. “You may have given me a new obsession,” he said. “I wasn’t wrong in my judgement of you.” He took another piece of chicken. “Delicious.”

We continued to eat the chicken in relative silence. There was a knock at the door. I got up to open it and Regen appeared.

“Yes?” I said.

“Sir, there are a number of nobles here who want an audience with you,” he said.

“Got it,” I said.

Claude got up and sighed. “I’ll come with you,” she said.

We left the kitchen and went to the keep’s grand entrance. Three people dressed in noble clothes were standing in the middle, watching the workmen do their jobs.

“Ah, Knight Baron Peters,” said one of the men. He extended his hand.

I shook it. “To what do I owe this visit?” I said.

The man rubbed his fancily styled hair back. “We’ve come to discuss, ah, your strange decisions regarding taxation in your estate.”

I sighed. “And?” I said. “I own this place, do I not? Can’t I do with it what I want?”

“Sure, you can,” said the noble. “But you must realize this method is unsustainable. You will give the peasantry a reason to become a threat to your rule. Your estate will end in rebellion and death.”

Another noble put his fist into his palm. “You need fear to keep the populace beneath you,” he said. “I’m sure you don’t understand, as you were given your title but recently. However, you must learn quick. The nobility must always come out on top.”

“I understand,” I said. “But this is now a special economic zone. Free trade and low taxes is how I plan on becoming wealthy.”

The three nobles looked a bit pale. “How will you keep the population in control?” said one of them.

“By offering them freedom and rights,” I said. “With human dignity and the chance to earn great wealth.”

The first noble pointed his finger at me. “You will regret this!” he said.

I bowed. “I have not gotten your names yet,” I said, a bit of virulent nastiness on my tongue.

The first noble, a man with striking red hair and a long beard, bowed. “Baron Kingboy,” he said. He pointed to a man with a long coat and close-cropped hair. “Marquis Endor.” He motioned to the third noble, a rather short man with black hair and blue eyes. “Knight Baron Recris.”

“I appreciate your warning. However, I am going to do things my way. If things end up turning sour, then I will have reaped my own destruction.”

The nobles rubbed their hands together. “I smell something cooking,” said Recris.

“Indeed,” said Kingboy. “I would like to taste the foreign cuisine from the home world of yours that I’m always hearing about.”

“Sure,” I said. “Come help yourself to the Colonel’s recipe.”

“Um, colonel?” said Recris.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Claude.

We returned to the kitchen, nobles in tow.