Otherworld Businessman Chapter 1

 

Chapter 1

The day I discovered the portal in my closet was the day I graduated from college. I had just put away my academic gown when I noticed a shining light coming from behind the packed clothes. I walked towards it, pushing my way through shirts I barely used, and came out onto the side of a mountain. The world stretched out before me. Not my world, I could tell. The air was too clear, for one. And there was a medieval city smack dab in the center of the valley formed by the mountains. No cars, no electricity, no trains. I was inside of a bona fide Narnia. I shielded my eyes from the sun and watched the horse drawn carriages travel along the dirt paths.

I remembered an aphorism from somewhere. If one ever got the chance to head to a preindustrial world, one must bring with them a six pack of soda. The aluminum in the cans would be worth more than its weight in gold. I was now in this situation and I needed a six pack of soda. So I turned around and returned to my own closet. The world was just as I had left it. I had been renting with two roommates and was about to move out. Now that I had my own personal otherworld in my closet, I didn’t think I needed to do that anymore. I was beginning to hatch a perfect plan.

First I would trade aluminum from soda cans as well as various other practically magical objects from my reality for some coinage from that realm. Then I would go to a coin shop and sell them for their weight in gold and silver. Boom, perfect way to make a ton of money. Ten bucks for a twenty-four pack of soda and I could walk home with as thousand bucks worth of gold.

I got into my rickety old sedan and drove to the supermarket. I was practically broke at this point but I had enough money to buy two twenty-four packs of soda and a bunch of other things I assumed would fetch a high price in a medieval world. Solo cups, cheap crystal glasses and wine stems, and a few lighters. I packed it all up and brought it home. Within ten minutes I had a pile of goods on the floor of the cavern that my portal opened on to. I brought a red pull wagon and loaded up the goods. The wagon had belonged to the little sister of one of my roommates and he had left it in the house. His loss.

I pulled the cart down the mountain towards the town. When I got to the gate, I realized that I would probably have to show some form of identification or at least pay a fee. I waited in line with a bunch of farmers and inched towards the gates.

When the guards came to me they looked me over with incredulous expressions on their faces.

“Ey, where you come from?” said the one on the right, a man with a big beard. “You don’t look like you’re from around here.”

“I, uh, I came from a far away place with special goods,” I said.

“Let me see them,” said the guard on the left, a clean-shaven baby-faced man.

I showed them my stock. They looked it over with squinted eyes.

“What’s this made of?” said the guard on the right, pointing to the Solo cups.

“Magic,” I said. I didn’t expect them to take it seriously. But they did.

“Ah, I did not realize you were a wizard, sir,” said the guard on the left.

“Um, yeah,” I said. “That’s it. I’m a wizard.”

“Well next time bring your amulet with you. I’ll let you through this time.”

I was waved through. I walked onto a grand street that smelled like limp cabbage and fecal matter. This place obviously had no real method of sanitation, as expected for a medieval city.

I wandered around for a bit before finding a market. I had no idea how, or where, to sell my goods, so I decided to just talk to the nearest shopkeeper. The shopkeeper I chose was a diminutive man with a long beard and a helmet. After staring at him for a bit I realized he was a dwarf. I approached him.

“Sir, I’m a traveling wizard. Where can I sell magic items?”

“Over there,” said the dwarf, pointing towards the cathedral at the center of the city. “Right underneath the church is the magicians’ guild. You can sell your stuff there.” He paused. “What kind of stuff you got? Do you mind letting me take a look?”

I pulled up the red wagon. “In here,” I said. “I have some aluminum, some plastic cups, and some glassware. Also lighters and canned tuna and chips.” I took a bag of Lays and opened it. “Here, try this,” I said. “It’s on me.”

The dwarf took the bag of chips with a careful expression and sniffed it. He then waved his hand over it and a blue light surrounded it. Magic? It had to be magic. I wondered if I could do it too. I would try later for sure.

The dwarf took a single chip and placed it on his tongue.

“Salty,” he said. “And crunchy. What kind of bread is this?”

“It’s a potato chip,” I said.

“Potato?” said the dwarf. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a tuber from my home town,” I said. “Very nutritious.”

Goal number one: introduce potato cultivation to this pre-Columbian Exchange world. Corn too. I would look up the best way to do that when I returned home.

The dwarf ate another chip. He then grabbed a big handful and shoved it into his mouth.

“This stuff is delicious,” he said. “How much would you charge for the rest of them?”

“Truth be told,” I said, “I’m not familiar with this world’s currency. For my reference, how much does a horse cost?”

“Ten gold coins,” said the dwarf. He extended his hand. “The name’s Dwarmir. I hope that you bring me more of these chips.” He looked at the empty chip bag. “And what in god’s name is this made out of?”

“Plastic,” I said. “You can use it for a lot of things. You can have all the bags for free if you buy the chips.”

“I can see many uses for this substance,” said Dwarmir. “As a blacksmith this material could change how I work.”

“Then I’ll bring you a bunch more. I’ll sell the rest of the bags to you for one gold coin and I’ll be back with more.”

“Deal,” said Dwarmir. He gave me a gold coin and I gave him the rest of the Frito Lay Fun Pack. Dwarmir marveled at the packaging. “By the gods,” he said. “This is amazing.”

I waved. “Bye. I have to go sell the rest of my stuff at the magician’s guild.”

I headed towards the cathedral, which towered over the cityscape. When I got to its entrance I noted the presence of a small offshoot of the building. The sign above it read “Magician’s Guild.” I was glad to know I could read their writing. Perfect English.

I pushed my way into the building. It was massively bigger on the inside than the outside, probably due to magic. I wandered through the gigantic foyer until I made it to the reception desk. I placed a can of soda on the counter.

“I have here a magical goblet made of pure aluminum and filled with elixir of energy,” I said. “It is called, ah, Cola.”

The receptionist took the can and turned it around in her hand. She then mouthed a few words and held her other hand over the can. A bright light surrounded the metal. The receptionist’s eyes lit up.

“This is indeed aluminum. I will pay you three gold coins for it.”

I took the two twenty-four packs and slammed them on the counter. “I’ll take two hundred gold coins for the lot.”

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, which was very professional considering what I had just thrust in front of her.

“Two hundred it is,” said the receptionist. She counted out two hundred gold coins right in front of me and poured them into a bag. I then planted the glassware and tuna cans in front of her.

“One hundred gold coins for this,” I said. “Pure crystal glassware of the highest quality. Ten tins of super fish that was caught in the wilds of my homeland.”

The receptionist rubbed her chin. “Ninety,” she said.

“Deal,” I said. I collected my money and bowed, turning around and leaving  the guild hall. I made a beeline for the exit and climbed the mountain path that led to my portal. Once I went through it, I returned to my old world. I had about three hundred gold coins, each one weighing in at about an ounce. I looked them over and decided that they would be worth more as collector’s pieces than for their bulk gold content. I would just have to see how a jeweler would react to these things.

I looked up the location of the nearest coin shop and got into my car to head there. Ten minutes later I walked through the classic coin shop door and into a nice looking establishment. The person behind the counter was flipping through their phone.

I walked up to the counter, placing a single one of the coins on the glass. “How much for this,” I said.

The man walked up to me and picked up the coin. “Hm,” he said. “I don’t recognize this coin. Where did you find it?”

“I found it buried in my backyard,” I said. “I just got a metal detector and was practicing.” I took out the rest of the coins. “And I found all these too.”

“Whoa,” said the man. “That’s a lot of gold. We’re going to have to report this.”

“Um, sure,” I said. “Why?”

“Because we don’t know where this stuff came from,” said the man. “If we call the authorities and a museum is missing half their collection we’ll know where these came from.” He picked up another coin. “But I’ve never seen anything like this before. I don’t even recognize the language.” He clacked it against another coin. “But I do know it is pure gold. Do you mind staying here while I make a few phone calls?”

This may not have been a good idea. I would have to dig a hole in my backyard before any authorities got there.

The man took out his phone and called someone. He spoke for a few minutes and then put the phone down. “I’ll make you a temporary offer of spot plus ten percent. I don’t know the real value of these for a collector but you don’t have to sell them to me now. You can wait until we know what they’re actually worth. If you give me a coin or two for me to send to a grading company I’ll pay the fees.”

“Here,” I said, handing him three gold coins. I took the rest of the coins off the counter.

“Give me your number,” said the man.

I gave him my number and left the store. I knew now that I had made a mistake. There were no cops coming down the street, but I felt as if they would be here any minute. Not a good idea, not a good idea.

How else was I supposed to sell these, then? That was what I was wondering. I needed money to buy stuff to sell to this medieval world for more money. I really needed to rethink my strategy.

I decided to stash away the gold until I figured out a better was to sell it.

Little did I know that I would soon become headline news all over my state.