Squib: Why we Argue

You know the resistance you feel when you’re losing an argument? That’s what I call squib. Squib is the feeling that, if you lose this argument or bow to this person or give up intellectual ground, causes a swelling at the back of your throat.

Squib is caused by an attachment of your worldview to your psyche. Getting criticized causes squib. Squib leads to reactionary action taking and can often lead to confusion and mislabeling.

When people are arguing, both sides are experiencing squib. The more someone feels like they are wrong, the more squib they feel.

Squib is a very unpleasant feeling. It’s hard to get rid of it in the moment. And, it’s what usually causes escalations in arguments.

A person’s worldview is cemented into every aspect of their being.

Let’s go for the low hanging fruit here. Religion. Most of the time, someone’s religion—or lack thereof—is integral to a person’s sense of self. Whether you value spiritual comfort or your own rational pride, whether you inherited it or came by it, your religion is part of your internal view of yourself.

People fight fundamental changes to their worldview because their psyche is shored up by these beliefs. It’s not a fear of being wrong. It’s deeper than that. It’s an indescribable emotion. Squib.

When I read a bad review for one of my books, I feel squib. It’s not because I consciously choose to feel bad. It’s that my psyche has come under attack. You could call it questioning one’s worth, but it’s deeper than that. It’s a natural reaction that happens when someone’s normalcy is turned on its head or challenged in any way.

Squib is what causes people to enter arguments in the first place. Squib is what keeps them going. Squib is also what prevents people from saying that they were wrong.

It’s not frustration, though that can play a part in it. It’s not anger, though that may appear as a result of squib. It’s the pure, raw feeling that your world is messed up and you need to readjust.

Some people feel squib easier than others. Take, for example, the crazy mom who chews out the manager of a gas station for not giving her the best service.

Inside her mind, she is experiencing a shutdown of her worldview—that she needs to be acknowledged and her problems need to be addressed by those who work in retail.

It’s never as simple as “he/she is an asshole” or “he/she is entitled.”

Entitlement can be a part of someone’s worldview, but they are not entitled because they are inferior people. They are entitled because it is a part of the worldview their parents and environments instilled in them. They are not responsible for the squib they feel when this equilibrium is violated. They are only responsible for how they react to that squib.

When one person feels squib and refuses to back down in an argument, the other side may begin to feel more and produce a feedback loop.

Again, people are not responsible for their feelings. They are responsible for how they act on them.

When you challenge someone’s worldview, realize that you are going to encounter resistance. This resistance is caused not by the other party’s ignorance, but rather the attack to their psyche and the resulting squib.

So please, if you feel squib, get rid of it by being mindful. And if you ever think someone else is a stubborn idiot in an argument, just remember that they are feeling squib as well.