I played dwarven video games inside of my spaceship's arcade.

 So I've got this spaceship I call the Rabbit. It's a moderately sized example of a spaceship that I acquired from my collection of spaceships. I do have a rather large collection of those. 

Well, the rabbit had an empty space along its port side that had a window looking out from the ship's bottom. We measured it to be 145 feet long and 32 feet wide. We installed a coffee bar (totally free for anyone on the ship) and some arcade machines. 

Let me tell you about Dwarven arcade machines. They're mostly made of enchanted crystal. Each machine is painstakingly assembled by a team of Dwarven artisans by hand, sometimes taking over a thousand years on a single machine. The machines are powered by magic enchantments, each machine being a beautiful expression of gem art. They're also very heavy. 

I installed two systems in my arcade that were created by the dwarves. One is called "The Seven Sins of Melchizedek" and the second is "The Iron Hand." Both are very good game consoles. 

I also installed some elven machines in my arcade. They're made of flowers and sung into existence using the Elves' sing enchantment ability. They're pretty cool as well, the games being a system of plucking and moving flowers that represent various objects in the game. 

My ship, the Rabbit, has literally anything you could ask for. It's got a forge (for me, I forge weapons), it's got a bar, it's got bedrooms and gyms and a swimming pool. The estimated value of the ship and everything in it is about three billion dollars. I acquired it after I found it sitting in space as a space hulk. 

The ship is pretty fast as well. I'm a navigator, so that means that I can fly the ship under my own power. The ship can travel so much faster than light that it's actually pretty ridiculous. We've been all over the place. Manan, New Sigil, Batoor, and a lot of other places. It's really cool to go visit the various places in the universe. My ship facilitates that. 

Anyways, that about wraps everything up about my ship. I'll see you later. 

I just recently discovered what American football actually is.

The "Foot" in American football doesn't refer to the anatomical foot. It refers to the measurement foot. Like, everything in football is determined by how many feet you are from where you started. First down is at ten yards, and yards are three feet each. That's about all I have. 

Jack from Tekko Chapter 1

 

Chapter 1

Jack Barret opened his eyes to the sound of his wife cooking breakfast.

“Honey?” Jack got out of bed and walked into the sitting room. “What’s up?”

Jack’s wife, Tanri, turned to face him. “I’m just happy for your first day of work.”

Jack stretched his shoulders. “Yeah. I’ll get ready and then head out.”

The Texas sun was just peeking over the horizon. The calendar read January 16, 1996. As Jack prepared for his first day at work, he downed a cup of coffee and read the newspaper. Nothing important happening today. He got into his car, an old and beat-up Toyota sedan, and headed for the office.

Jack had just acquired a job at the private military corporation, or PMC, known as Tekko. With three years of experience in the SWAT, he was a good candidate for the job according to his recruiter. The office was a two hour drive down the highway.

When he arrived, he noticed that only two out of the dozen or so parking spots were taken. It was around eleven am. Jack climbed out of his car and went to the door.

The office was bland on the outside, just a square building with two windows that were covered by bars. It looked like it could fit in any middle-American town and not once be noticed by the people who walked past it each day. The door had iron reinforcing behind its glass wall.

Jack pressed the doorbell. Two minutes later the door opened. A tall, skinny, black-haired white man opened the door. He looked Jack up and down, then smiled and offered his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Jack. Let’s go talk inside.”

They entered a small office. A large CRT monitor sat on the desk next to a Rolodex and a number of binders. The desk was quite messy. The man who had greeted Jack sat down.

“So, Jack.” He leaned back in his chair. “Take a seat, take a seat.”

Jack sat down.

“The name Nathaniel.” The man grinned. “I’m just here to bring you in. Your normal contact, well, I mean—” Nathaniel shrugged. “You’ll understand. We get a lot of turnover here.” Nathaniel turned to a whiteboard behind the desk. “What do you know about Tekko?”

Jack shook his head. “Not much.”

Nathaniel lifted his chin. “Good. That’s for the best, and we like to keep it that way.” Nathaniel folded his hands. “Tekko is, for all intents and purposes, a ghost. A company that no one should know by name unless you are of the small group of people who use us. We cannot advertise, we cannot be widely known, and our stock does not trade on the market.” Nathaniel shrugged. “In any case, the person who referred you will be getting compensated. Three years in the SWAT, right?”

Jack nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Nathaniel folded his hands. “Good. You’re a good trooper, Jack.” He extended his palm. “I’d like to formally welcome you to the world’s second best PMC.”

“Second best?”

Nathaniel ignored Jack. “Great. Let’s get started. What do we do here at Tekko? Anything and everything. Not like those bastards at Yarko, am I right?” He chuckled. “In any case. You will be called in as needed to assist with anything and everything. It could be finding a missing person, it could be eating dinner with a family, it could be as a bodyguard. You don’t know what missions you’ll be sent on until they actually occur.” Nathaniel stood up. “Now let me tell you about the brown program.” Nathaniel’s eyes became sharp. “In this company, you earn a brown point by coming back from a brown mission. Now, what is a brown mission?” Nathaniel drew a few symbols on the whiteboard. “Number one. Major threat to self. Number two. Intense disgust. And number three: incredible danger.”

“Will I be doing anything dangerous?” Jack tilted his head.

“Yes, of course.” Nathaniel smirked. “You signed on at a private military corporation. Therefore, you will be doing military things.”

“When do I start work?”

“Right now, as a matter of fact.” Nathaniel looked at his watch. “Your plane is leaving DFW in two hours.”

“Um, I wasn’t planning on—”

Nathaniel clapped Jack on the back. “Come on, kid! Let’s go.”

Jack drove to Dallas Fort Worth airport and parked in the parking structure. The pre 9/11 plane boarding process was quick and efficient. Two hours later Jack was in the air with a dossier.

Find the dog.

There was a picture of a dog and the name of his contact. He was headed to Morocco, with a layover in Paris.

“Damn.” Jack mustered to himself. He had used the airport payphone to tell his wife that he was going on a business trip.

Fifteen hours later he was in Morocco. The white brick buildings contrasted with the beautiful appearance of the thick blue sky. It was a stunning view.

Jack stepped off the plane onto the tarmac. A man wearing a suit and sunglasses approached him.

“Sir.” The man bowed. “This way.”

“Okay.” Jack followed the man into a limousine. “Where are we headed?”

“Somewhere where I can give you a briefing.”

The limo drove through the streets of Morocco, arriving half an hour later at a upscale restaurant called Goroski’s. Jack and the man stepped out onto a promenade, and were escorted into the building.

“For the Grueyers.” The man bowed.

They were led to a table, where a stunningly dressed woman with pinched eyebrows and lots of plastic surgery sat with a small eight-year old boy wearing the uniform of a prep school.

“Oh, my, my.” The woman had a thick French accent. “Is this the man who will be …” She eyed Jack up and down with an expression that Jack knew all too well at this point—being a black man. The woman waved her fan.

“Very well then. My name is Francine Grueyer. This is my son, William.” She pronounced the first letter of his name like a v.

William bowed. Francine swatted him on the back of his head. “William, dear. You are bowing too deep.”

William scratched the back of his head and said something in French.

Francine turned to Jack. “We are looking for our puppy, Godfry. He is somewhere in this city. I have exhausted every other avenue of attack at the moment. I do not know where our dear Godfry could be.” She appeared ready to cry. “Bring back our Godfrey!”

The first course of the dinner was served. Some sort of fish, with marvelously plated vegetables and sauce. Jack took a bite, and found the food to be better than he expected. When he imagined high-class food, he never imagined it to actually taste good.

The tablecloth was pristine. The walls sported expensive-looking paintings. There were three chandeliers above the tables.

The sommelier brought a wine bottle out and poured it into Jack’s glass while holding the bottom. Every motion of this man was perfection. His suit, his trim, his hair, his everything was perfect.

Jack had never felt so out of place in his life. Here he was, wearing the same shirt he had been wearing when he stepped on that plane, while everyone else was wearing expensive formal clothing. He felt inadequate.

There were a total of nine courses served, with wine. The table’s presence was exceedingly awkward.

Towards the end, Jack asked: “Do you know where you left the dog last?”

“Godfrey. His name is Godfrey, not “The Dog.”” Francine waved her fan in an irritated manner.

“Fine. Godfrey. Where did you last see him?”

William nodded and spoke English, also with a heavy accent. “He broke free of his leash near the pool of the Ottocan.”

“So I should start looking there.”

“Yes, that would be advisable.”

After the dinner was over, the two Grueyers left the table. The bodyguard who had been standing behind Jack the entire time tapped Jack’s shoulder.

Jack stood up. As they walked back to the limo, the bodyguard stopped. “I expect the best from your company.”

“Uh, yeah.”

The bodyguard opened the door to the limo and ushered Jack in.

“Where to?” The bodyguard got in next to Jack. The driver turned to face Jack.

“To the Ottocan, obviously.” Jack shrugged. “It’s the best place to start looking.” He looked around. “Do you have a picture of the dog?”

The bodyguard nodded. He pulled a picture out of his wallet and handed it to Jack. The picture looked well-loved.

Jack examined the picture. The dog was small and poofy with white fur. He imagined that it wouldn’t be that hard to find, as it looked nothing like the kind of dog you would find on the street.

“To the Ottocan.”

They arrived at the prestigious hotel about half an hour later. Jack got out of the limo and started walking towards the hotel’s entry. The bodyguard spoke a few words to the person guarding the entrance, after which the party was let into the building.

Jack walked to the pool first. The pool had an overlooking view of the ocean and the most beautiful part of the city. Sexy women and rather un-sexy men were making use of the facilities. It was about nightfall, with the sun setting over the horizon. The sunset appeared as if the hand of God himself were blanketing the city in orange and purple. A flock of birds flew overhead.

Jack took the picture of the dog to the concierge at the booth that rented out towels. “Dog.” He showed the concierge the picture. “Kalb. Where?”

The man spoke in perfect English: “Ah, I do remember seeing that one dog about two days ago.”

“Sorry about that.”

“No, no, it is fine. How can I help you?”

Jack pointed to the picture. “I need to find this dog as soon as possible. I heard that it was seen here last.”

“I have a very good memory for dogs.” The concierge pointed. “The dog you are looking for made its way through that fence over there when it was opened.”

Jack nodded. “Okay, thanks.” He looked around. It was getting dark, but every hour wasted meant a smaller chance of finding the dog.

Two hours of searching later, and Jack had acquired the dog. All it took was him showing the picture to the locals and using the Arabic word for “where”— And a few hundred dollar bills that Jack had “expensed” from the bodyguard. The dog was cooperative, licking Jack’s hand when he found it.

Jack brought the dog back to the hotel. It was around seven in the evening. Jack could tell the bodyguard was trying to hold back emotion when he saw the dog in Jack’s hands.

Jack handed the dog to the bodyguard, who made the call. An hour later, and the dog was in the hands of its owners. Jack couldn’t speak dog—yet—but he imagined the dog giving a sigh of relief. Being alone on the streets of a strange city without anyone to care for you is harsh, even for a dog.

Francine thanked Jack and handed him a stack of hundred dollar bills. Jack slid the money into his pocket. Two seconds later one of the hotel employees came up to him.

“You have a call.”

Jack went to where the payphones were. “Hi?”

“Jack.” It was someone Jack did not recognize. “My name is Andy. I’ll be your coordinator for this mission. Have you found the dog yet?”

“I found it.”

“Good. We’ve booked you a plane ticket back home. You leave in four hours.”

Jack was tired, but he couldn’t miss his flight home. Two hours later he was at the airport, and two hours after that he was in the air.

From January 17, 1996 to June 12, 1996, Jack performed seven dog-catching missions, all of them for very rich and very famous families. He did not miss a single dog.

 

The Lesser One Book 3 Chapter 1

 

New Sigil

“How many bananas is that?”

Esla and Dr. Barrimore are standing next to me in a pure white room somewhere beneath Ixtham academy.

I’d returned from my journey in London less than a week ago, and now I am undergoing a series of trials to see exactly how powerful my ability is.

Right now I’ve got a stack of bananas in front of me the size of a building.

“More!” Dr. Barrimore is holding a camera and pointing it at the pile. “More bananas!”

I conjure banana after banana after banana. Soon the entire white room, with walls that are at least five stories high, is filled to the brim with bananas and my ability hasn’t even cooled down a bit.

“Okay.” Dr. Barrimore sighs. “You’re the most powerful conjurer we’ve ever recorded. The second best created less than a thousand bananas.”

“Conjurer?”

“You learned about this yesterday in my class, right?” Dr. Barrimore crosses his arms.

Conjurer. That’s the name of the superpower I have in me right now.

According to the NEN chart (NEN stands for Network Energy Notation), I am part of a school of magic known as conjuration. This means that I can conjure objects out of thin air, up to a point, and those objects are solid for as long as I exist. On the other hand, when I point my finger at something, I can’t shoot more than a tiny little energy bullet, as emission is a school that is antithetical to conjuration. Esla, by the way, is an emitter. Dr. Barrimore is a manipulator. Each school of magic carries its own laws and its own way of doing things.

I look again at the gigantic pile of fruit in front of me. “Who’s going to eat all this?”

Dr. Barrimore picks up a banana and peels it. “Tasty things. Too bad they go bad like that.” He munches the banana. Esla takes a banana and peels it as well.

Dr. Livers, the other professor who is adjudicating my test, comes out of her little office at the top of the room using a ladder. She approaches me. “This fruit is going to be donated to local food banks.” She picks up a banana and examines it. “We choose bananas as the test object because, for some odd reason, they are able to be conjured by almost all conjurers. Unlike you, most conjurers have limits on the objects that they can conjure.”

“Bananas? They’re magic like that?”

“And easily gradable.” Dr. Livers peels her banana. “Perfect ripeness. Great cellular structure. We’re going to have to analyze these later with more scrutiny.”

I shrug. “I guess. As long as it doesn’t all go to waste.”

Dr. Barrimore puts his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go up to my office and talk about something.”

I remember that Dr. Barrimore had erased his memory regarding the potion that gave me these powers. He hasn’t mentioned it yet at this point but I wonder if he will.

About ten minutes later we’re in his office. He takes a DVD from the wall of CDs in his office—most of which are music—and puts it in the player underneath his rather old television set. He motions to a chair next to him. “Sit.”

I watch the TV screen light up. A camera pans over a gigantic city that seems to be, to my untrained eyes, made of mega blocks.

“Mega blocks?” I am a bit surprised at this.

“This is footage from a special place, Markus.” Dr. Barrimore folds his arms. “A place you’re going to need to go soon.”

“What are you talking about?” I watch the camera move. “Where is this?”

“What you are looking at right now is the city of New Sigil.” Dr. Barrimore unfolds his arms and leans forward. “Us professors at Ixtham keep this place a secret. But I think you’re going to need to go there.”

“Here? But everything is made of mega blocks. Isn’t this a picture of a toy city or something?”

“No.” Dr. Barrimore shakes his head. “Do you know what an STC is? A standard template construct?”

I shake my head. “No. I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

Dr. Barrimore sighs. “Not much of a Warhammer fan, then.” He stands up and goes to a small cabinet at the back of his office. “Try this.” He takes a small mega block, about the size of a brick, and hands it to me. It’s light. It radiates color, as if it were made of pure light instead of something real. I lift it up and examine it.

“Ask it for a burger.” Dr. Barrimore folds his hands in front of his chin.

“Can I have a hamburger?”

The STC lights up with an incredible amount of noise and flashing colors. About two seconds later a hamburger, fully formed, comes out of nowhere and lands in my hand. The burger looks a bit strange, as if it had been generated by an AI algorithm to look like a burger without actually being one. I taste it. It’s normal. I cannot place exactly where the burger comes from. Not Wendy’s, not Burger King, not McDonalds. It’s just a random, almost perfectly realized, non-specific burger.

“So this block.” I hand it back to Dr. Barrimore. “That’s what those buildings are made of?”

“And you’re going there.” Dr. Barrimore stands up. “Time for me to show you something.”

The door to the office opens and two people walk in. I stand bolt upright, so fast that I knock down the chair. “Ari! And, uh, Ronald?”

Ari and Ronald walk into the room. Ronald grins at me. “Hello, boyo.”

Dr. Barrimore nods. “These two people have been hired by Ixtham to deliver a message. You need to go with them. The portal to Bytopia is in the basement. I’ll lead you there, you’ll need my key.”

I face Ronald. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Dr. Barrimore appears amused. “You know this man?” He tilts his head.

I grit my teeth. “Know him? He’s a mass murderer! He doesn’t belong here! He tried to kill me?”

“Such strange talk.” Dr. Barrimore shrugged. “Did you dream too hard or something? Ixtham has given Stephen a serious background check.”

“Stephen?” I grit my teeth. “You’ve got some explaining to do, Stephen.”

--Stephen—grins. “Sure thing, boss.” He licks his lips. “But for now, boy, we’re working together against an enemy that is far worse than anything you can imagine me being.”

We take the elevator down to the lowest floor. When the doors open, we walk out into a small hallway that has more elevators in it. Dr. Barrimore leads us to the last elevator in the row.

“Where are we?”

“Floor Z.” Dr. Barrimore uses a key card to activate the elevator. “This is where we’re going to go deeper. Far deeper than any of you have ever been.”

We take the elevator. It’s rather large, as if it has been designed for something big. About five minutes pass in complete silence. Then the doors open onto a cave, natural looking, with stalagmites and stalactites. I hear a dripping somewhere in the distance.

Ronald whistles. “Whew. This place is a bit warm.”

It is warm. We walk for about another minute or so until we reach the cave’s end. A portal opens. Through it, I can see a city made of mega blocks. Like Dr. Barrimore said, this place really exists.

We step through. The portal sucks us in, and then we are standing in a street made of mega blocks. Everything is made of mega blocks. There are a number of people walking past us. Only, they’re different. For one, they possess a staggering amount of different skin tones. Red, blue, purple, green. They’re surely our species. That much is obvious. But holy hell, they sure look different. Then there’s the fact that half of them are crawling around on all fours with their heads facing forward, perpendicular to the orientation of their bodies. I have no idea where I am. Where am I?

Ronald hands me a small yellow mega block the size of a matchbox car. “Put this on your cheek.” He has one on his cheek as well. I place it on my cheek and the block latches to my skin.

“Hey.”

Borda.

The block speaks in a different language after I finish.

“Where are we?”

The block repeats.

Ronald shakes his head. “New Sigil. The city of doors. Keep your wits about you. We’re in the clerk’s ward right now, but when night falls, you do not want to be outside.”

We start walking. I have to jog a bit to keep up with Ari and Ronald. “Why are you here? I didn’t know you were helping Ixtham.”

“We go everywhere.” Ari waves her fan as she walks. “We’re just normal travelers when we’re not playing our role as Silverbones.”

“Normal? You are nothing like normal!” I grimace. “Especially you, Ronald. Or should I say Stephen? Where the hell did you come from?”

“Believe it or not,” Ronald scratches the back of his head, “I’m not really that bad of a guy.”

“You killed over a dozen people when you chaingunned that restaurant.”

“People shmeapole.” Ronald shrugs. “You should see what a real bad guy looks like.”

I am really angry right now. I don’t know why I’ve been forced to work with Ronald, but I don’t like it one bit.

We continue on across the street.

I watch one person, a green-haired, yellow-faced individual, inch their way along the ground with their chin touching the street. They’re moving impressively fast.

“What happened to them?”

“Born in a place with a higher gravity.” Ronald shrugs. “That reminds me.” He gets down on his knees. “Much better.”

I just now notice that gravity here is a bit heavier than what I’m used to. I’m a bit tottery when I walk because of that. Just like Ronald, I get down on my knees.

“Walk like this when you’re in New Sigil.” Ronald waves his hand.

Ari gets down on her knees as well. “New Sigil has a gravity of twelve-point-five-two meters per second. Approximately one-point-three gees.”

“Oh.” I look around. “Where are we headed, again?”

“To meet our contact.”

“And who’s that?” I look around me.

“Athena. Surely you’ve heard of her before?” Ronald grins at me.

“Wow. We’re really going to meet a, huh?” I am a bit confused. “But I thought Greek myths were just that. Myths.”

“Athena’s real.” Ronald shakes his head. “But things are a little bit different than you remember.”

“Mount Olympus?”

“Back on Planet Earth’s territory. You’ll soon learn why we’re here in the first place. Come on!”

We travel for about half an hour. Because of the higher gravity, our walking is a bit slow. About ten minutes after arriving we enter a store that sells shoes. Or, at least, “Shoes.” Ronald pats me on the back.

“Hurts the knees, doesn’t it?”

We buy a set of knee shoes for each of us. They are almost like foot shoes, except a bit longer, a bit thicker, and felted. Ronald passes over some currency that, frankly, looks like monopoly money.

“What kind of money is that?” I look at the bills Ronald is handing the store worker.

“This is called a universal voucher.” Ronald packs the rest of the bills into his pocket. “Translated to –mint--  by the people who do that kind of thing.”

“Who issues this money?”

“The triptefelexians. You’ll meet one eventually. I’m sure about that. But you don’t have to worry about any of that stuff while I’m here.”

We leave the shop wearing our knee shoes, and walk for about five miles. When I look up, I see more city, upside-down. New Sigil appears to be the inside of a large torus. There doesn’t appear to be a source to the light that suffuses everything.

After a while, it starts to get dark. Ronald turns us towards a building. “Better get a room before nightfall.”

 

2

***

New Sigil

“How many bananas is that?”

Esla and Dr. Barrimore are standing next to me in a pure white room somewhere beneath Ixtham academy.

I’d returned from my journey in London less than a week ago, and now I am undergoing a series of trials to see exactly how powerful my ability is.

Right now I’ve got a stack of bananas in front of me the size of a building.

“More!” Dr. Barrimore is holding a camera and pointing it at the pile. “More bananas!”

I conjure banana after banana after banana. Soon the entire white room, with walls that are at least five stories high, is filled to the brim with bananas and my ability hasn’t even cooled down a bit.

“Okay.” Dr. Barrimore sighs. “You’re the most powerful conjurer we’ve ever recorded. The second best created less than a thousand bananas.”

“Conjurer?”

“You learned about this yesterday in my class, right?” Dr. Barrimore crosses his arms.

Conjurer. That’s the name of the superpower I have in me right now.

According to the NEN chart (NEN stands for Network Energy Notation), I am part of a school of magic known as conjuration. This means that I can conjure objects out of thin air, up to a point, and those objects are solid for as long as I exist. On the other hand, when I point my finger at something, I can’t shoot more than a tiny little energy bullet, as emission is a school that is antithetical to conjuration. Esla, by the way, is an emitter. Dr. Barrimore is a manipulator. Each school of magic carries its own laws and its own way of doing things.

I look again at the gigantic pile of fruit in front of me. “Who’s going to eat all this?”

Dr. Barrimore picks up a banana and peels it. “Tasty things. Too bad they go bad like that.” He munches the banana. Esla takes a banana and peels it as well.

Dr. Livers, the other professor who is adjudicating my test, comes out of her little office at the top of the room using a ladder. She approaches me. “This fruit is going to be donated to local food banks.” She picks up a banana and examines it. “We choose bananas as the test object because, for some odd reason, they are able to be conjured by almost all conjurers. Unlike you, most conjurers have limits on the objects that they can conjure.”

“Bananas? They’re magic like that?”

“And easily gradable.” Dr. Livers peels her banana. “Perfect ripeness. Great cellular structure. We’re going to have to analyze these later with more scrutiny.”

I shrug. “I guess. As long as it doesn’t all go to waste.”

Dr. Barrimore puts his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go up to my office and talk about something.”

I remember that Dr. Barrimore had erased his memory regarding the potion that gave me these powers. He hasn’t mentioned it yet at this point but I wonder if he will.

About ten minutes later we’re in his office. He takes a DVD from the wall of CDs in his office—most of which are music—and puts it in the player underneath his rather old television set. He motions to a chair next to him. “Sit.”

I watch the TV screen light up. A camera pans over a gigantic city that seems to be, to my untrained eyes, made of mega blocks.

“Mega blocks?” I am a bit surprised at this.

“This is footage from a special place, Markus.” Dr. Barrimore folds his arms. “A place you’re going to need to go soon.”

“What are you talking about?” I watch the camera move. “Where is this?”

“What you are looking at right now is the city of New Sigil.” Dr. Barrimore unfolds his arms and leans forward. “Us professors at Ixtham keep this place a secret. But I think you’re going to need to go there.”

“Here? But everything is made of mega blocks. Isn’t this a picture of a toy city or something?”

“No.” Dr. Barrimore shakes his head. “Do you know what an STC is? A standard template construct?”

I shake my head. “No. I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

Dr. Barrimore sighs. “Not much of a Warhammer fan, then.” He stands up and goes to a small cabinet at the back of his office. “Try this.” He takes a small mega block, about the size of a brick, and hands it to me. It’s light. It radiates color, as if it were made of pure light instead of something real. I lift it up and examine it.

“Ask it for a burger.” Dr. Barrimore folds his hands in front of his chin.

“Can I have a hamburger?”

The STC lights up with an incredible amount of noise and flashing colors. About two seconds later a hamburger, fully formed, comes out of nowhere and lands in my hand. The burger looks a bit strange, as if it had been generated by an AI algorithm to look like a burger without actually being one. I taste it. It’s normal. I cannot place exactly where the burger comes from. Not Wendy’s, not Burger King, not McDonalds. It’s just a random, almost perfectly realized, non-specific burger.

“So this block.” I hand it back to Dr. Barrimore. “That’s what those buildings are made of?”

“And you’re going there.” Dr. Barrimore stands up. “Time for me to show you something.”

The door to the office opens and two people walk in. I stand bolt upright, so fast that I knock down the chair. “Ari! And, uh, Ronald?”

Ari and Ronald walk into the room. Ronald grins at me. “Hello, boyo.”

Dr. Barrimore nods. “These two people have been hired by Ixtham to deliver a message. You need to go with them. The portal to Bytopia is in the basement. I’ll lead you there, you’ll need my key.”

I face Ronald. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Dr. Barrimore appears amused. “You know this man?” He tilts his head.

I grit my teeth. “Know him? He’s a mass murderer! He doesn’t belong here! He tried to kill me?”

“Such strange talk.” Dr. Barrimore shrugged. “Did you dream too hard or something? Ixtham has given Stephen a serious background check.”

“Stephen?” I grit my teeth. “You’ve got some explaining to do, Stephen.”

--Stephen—grins. “Sure thing, boss.” He licks his lips. “But for now, boy, we’re working together against an enemy that is far worse than anything you can imagine me being.”

We take the elevator down to the lowest floor. When the doors open, we walk out into a small hallway that has more elevators in it. Dr. Barrimore leads us to the last elevator in the row.

“Where are we?”

“Floor Z.” Dr. Barrimore uses a key card to activate the elevator. “This is where we’re going to go deeper. Far deeper than any of you have ever been.”

We take the elevator. It’s rather large, as if it has been designed for something big. About five minutes pass in complete silence. Then the doors open onto a cave, natural looking, with stalagmites and stalactites. I hear a dripping somewhere in the distance.

Ronald whistles. “Whew. This place is a bit warm.”

It is warm. We walk for about another minute or so until we reach the cave’s end. A portal opens. Through it, I can see a city made of mega blocks. Like Dr. Barrimore said, this place really exists.

We step through. The portal sucks us in, and then we are standing in a street made of mega blocks. Everything is made of mega blocks. There are a number of people walking past us. Only, they’re different. For one, they possess a staggering amount of different skin tones. Red, blue, purple, green. They’re surely our species. That much is obvious. But holy hell, they sure look different. Then there’s the fact that half of them are crawling around on all fours with their heads facing forward, perpendicular to the orientation of their bodies. I have no idea where I am. Where am I?

Ronald hands me a small yellow mega block the size of a matchbox car. “Put this on your cheek.” He has one on his cheek as well. I place it on my cheek and the block latches to my skin.

“Hey.”

Borda.

The block speaks in a different language after I finish.

“Where are we?”

The block repeats.

Ronald shakes his head. “New Sigil. The city of doors. Keep your wits about you. We’re in the clerk’s ward right now, but when night falls, you do not want to be outside.”

We start walking. I have to jog a bit to keep up with Ari and Ronald. “Why are you here? I didn’t know you were helping Ixtham.”

“We go everywhere.” Ari waves her fan as she walks. “We’re just normal travelers when we’re not playing our role as Silverbones.”

“Normal? You are nothing like normal!” I grimace. “Especially you, Ronald. Or should I say Stephen? Where the hell did you come from?”

“Believe it or not,” Ronald scratches the back of his head, “I’m not really that bad of a guy.”

“You killed over a dozen people when you chaingunned that restaurant.”

“People shmeapole.” Ronald shrugs. “You should see what a real bad guy looks like.”

I am really angry right now. I don’t know why I’ve been forced to work with Ronald, but I don’t like it one bit.

We continue on across the street.

I watch one person, a green-haired, yellow-faced individual, inch their way along the ground with their chin touching the street. They’re moving impressively fast.

“What happened to them?”

“Born in a place with a higher gravity.” Ronald shrugs. “That reminds me.” He gets down on his knees. “Much better.”

I just now notice that gravity here is a bit heavier than what I’m used to. I’m a bit tottery when I walk because of that. Just like Ronald, I get down on my knees.

“Walk like this when you’re in New Sigil.” Ronald waves his hand.

Ari gets down on her knees as well. “New Sigil has a gravity of twelve-point-five-two meters per second. Approximately one-point-three gees.”

“Oh.” I look around. “Where are we headed, again?”

“To meet our contact.”

“And who’s that?” I look around me.

“Athena. Surely you’ve heard of her before?” Ronald grins at me.

“Wow. We’re really going to meet a, huh?” I am a bit confused. “But I thought Greek myths were just that. Myths.”

“Athena’s real.” Ronald shakes his head. “But things are a little bit different than you remember.”

“Mount Olympus?”

“Back on Planet Earth’s territory. You’ll soon learn why we’re here in the first place. Come on!”

We travel for about half an hour. Because of the higher gravity, our walking is a bit slow. About ten minutes after arriving we enter a store that sells shoes. Or, at least, “Shoes.” Ronald pats me on the back.

“Hurts the knees, doesn’t it?”

We buy a set of knee shoes for each of us. They are almost like foot shoes, except a bit longer, a bit thicker, and felted. Ronald passes over some currency that, frankly, looks like monopoly money.

“What kind of money is that?” I look at the bills Ronald is handing the store worker.

“This is called a universal voucher.” Ronald packs the rest of the bills into his pocket. “Translated to –mint--  by the people who do that kind of thing.”

“Who issues this money?”

“The triptefelexians. You’ll meet one eventually. I’m sure about that. But you don’t have to worry about any of that stuff while I’m here.”

We leave the shop wearing our knee shoes, and walk for about five miles. When I look up, I see more city, upside-down. New Sigil appears to be the inside of a large torus. There doesn’t appear to be a source to the light that suffuses everything.

After a while, it starts to get dark. Ronald turns us towards a building. “Better get a room before nightfall.”

 

2

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The Lesser One Book 3 chapter 2: Taller than Ever

 

Taller than Ever.

“Careful, Ada.” Kevin waves his arms as Ada climbs into the trailer of a semi-truck.

“Is that really necessary?” I  watch Ada get onto the trailer, causing it to sink a few inches.

“Ada weighs over five tons.” Kevin shakes his head. “She’s a dragon, after all. We have to take the necessary precautions. We don’t want a steel dragon flying all over the city, after all. People would freak.”

“You said you’re the director of the CIA?” I tilt my head.

Kevin rubs his hands together. “Yeah. Been so since oh-seven. Some crazy things have happened ever since the portals first opened.”

“I can probably imagine.” I frown. “So we’re visiting another planet.”

“An Economopoulos called Fargo. It’s on the other side of the Milky Way.”

“How are we going to get there?”

Kevin chuckles. “You’ll see when we get there.” He motions to Sebastian and I. “Get in the van. We’ve got a long road trip ahead of us.”

For the next seventeen hours, I watch American roadside scenery pass by, as the houses turn to forests and then hills and then desert. According to Kevin, we’re headed for Area 51. Classic.

Along the way, Kevin explains a few things to me. First, there is the fact that Jirgrar and Sebastian are technically still members of our own species, as is Tia. Their round pupils class them as “Menucarian.” The much more common “Precient” members of our species sport figure-eight infinity-shaped pupils. That includes the Racorphan.

We arrive at the newly-upgraded Area 51 complex. Now that we, the human race, understood that we weren’t alone, Area 51 became a lot more than just a conspiracy. It was a place to house portal artifacts and various other secrets about the portals that the government didn’t want anyone to know about. There were probably a lot of top secret things about the portals.

When we get out of the van, Ronald steps aside and urintes against the wheel. “Nothing better than a great piss.”

Ari smacks him on the back of the head. “Behave, Ronald.”

Ronald grins. “Yes, ma’am.”

I really don’t understand their dynamic. Ronald zips up and then follows us towards the gates.

“Past here, there are no vehicles allowed.” Kevin steps through the gate. “Come along.”

“First time I’ve been here.” Ronald looks around, making a strangely happy face. “I’ve always wanted to play with some of the weapons you boys have around here.”

“There are no major weapons depos here at Area 51.” Kevin continues to walk. “We only contain ships here.”

“From where?” I look at the gigantic complex that is looming over the horizon. It looks as if a city were placed upside-down, shimmering in the desert sun.

We come to the entrance to the compound. Kevin opens the door with his keycard. A guard nods at us as we pass. Ada’s feet send tremors through the ground. Kevin points his chin towards a door at the end of the hallway.

We step through, back into the hot desert sun. A spaceship is waiting for us. It’s about the size of the Millennium Falcon, shaped a bit like the Kestrel from FTL.

Kevin holds up his hand. “I’m going to come with you as the representative of Earth’s governments.” He takes out a key and presses a button on it. The spaceship lowers its ramp. “This is the Eagle. Welcome aboard. Ada here is our pilot.”

We climb on board the ship. “Fastest ship in the galaxy, right? Going to dodge some asteroids at a low probability of survival, right? Never tell me the odds, right?” I grin.

No one else laughs.

“Fine.” I follow Ronald and Ari on board the ship. Ronald looks back at me and grins back, showing his perfectly white teeth.

“You’re going to have to get better at making jokes.” He turns away and boards the ship.

Once we board, the ship’s engines turn on. We lift into the air and shoot off towards the horizon with incredible speed. About a minute later we’re in the stratosphere. I don’t feel any of the acceleration I expected to feel. Soon we’re past the moon.

“Going to hyperspeed.” Ada pulls back on a lever and the engines scream.

The visual in front of me is different than in Star Wars. It’s as if the universe, through the glass view port, is being flushed down a drain. The stars loop around me, the ship jerks a bit, and then everything outside the window turns to incoherent static.

What you’re seeing is billions of years of stellar movement compressed into a small time frame. Sage explains. When you start going this fast relativity says you won’t be able to see anything. Back on planet Earth, the dinosaurs are roaming.

About half a second later we decelerate.

“That’s it?” I look out the window to see a rather large star outlined against the Milky Way.

“That’s just the beginning of the journey. The last half of a half of a percent of distance between us and our destination is the majority of the trip. We’ll be there in twenty-five days.”

“Days?” I sigh. “Well, at least this ship is large.” I look around at the inside of the ship, and see Ronald staring at me, toothpick in his mouth. He takes it out and points it at me.

“Kid. You’re new to this game, so you don’t know the rules. While we’re taking care of humanity’s business, we’re allies. That’s the whole point of the Silverbones.”

“I’m not going to forget what you did. I don’t even begin to understand why you’re not rotting away in prison.” I grit my teeth. “I’m going to be the first one to abandon you.”

Ronald grins. “I’ve taken a liking to your spirit. I still think you’re a coward, but not as much. It takes guts to say that to me.”

I turn away. “Is there a video game system on this ship?”

I spend the rest of the trip playing Mario Kart with Sebastian and Robin. Twenty-five Earth-days later, our ship approaches a large planet that is covered in cities. It’s the planet we’re headed for. We fly down into the planet’s atmosphere, passing by super-tall buildings that are ringed with clear tubes.

“Where are the flying cars?” I look around at the city below me.

“None here.” Ada steers us towards an open area and puts on something that looks like a bluetooth headset with a mic. “This is Gold Kit oh-one-oh-seven.” The headset translates the missive into another language. “Requesting permission to land at Kanderson spaceport.”

Another language garbles through. It’s translated by a machine attached to the Eagle’s dash. “You’re clear. Follow the instructions.”

We land in a small cavity between two buildings. The first thing I notice about the planet is that it’s full of aliens. Like, not Star Trek Klingon type of aliens. Not “grey people” kind of aliens. I’m talking aliens. There is a walking stick bug carrying two cymbals on its back that clap when it moves. There is a floating upside-down carrot with green arms that are undulating as it floats. There is being who appears like two angler fish taped together, with a bulb at the top that is flickering with light like a Christmas tree. The strangest being of all is an amalgamation of silver coins that is, for lack of a better word, undulating, with tesla coil-like electricity flickering in between the coins.

Ada hands me a universal translator. “You’re going to need this. You won’t see very many of our species on this planet.”

“Okay.” I’m a bit put off by how alien everything is here.

One of the cow aliens that I saw before steps up to us. Its legs move little by little, in a pattern that I was not expecting them to make. Its motion reminds me a bit of Michael Jackson’s moonwalking.

“Greetings, travelers,” it says, in perfect English. Like, English so perfect it’s a bit scary. Its tongue really is as complicated and interesting as it was billed to be. “Have you paid the toll? Two hundred mint will do.”

Kevin snaps his fingers. A small VR-esque patch of light flickers between the cow and him.

The cow licks its lips, showing a shining white blade-like appendage. “Very well. Welcome to Fargo.”

“Good.” Ada turns to me. “Let’s go.”

Me, Ada, Ari, Robin, Ronald, Sebastian, and Kevin all walk out of the small spaceport and onto the open street. The place is crowded with more alien aliens. There’s a green yeti with four legs who is wearing a shoe on its head. There is a pterodactyl mixed with a frog rolling along on a scooter. A lot of the aliens are floating on the air. In a separate tube above me, aquatic aliens are passing along, all of them just as alien as the others. There are no humans in rubber suits here.

“Watch your step!” Ada pulls me back. I look down at my feet.

A small ant—literally an ant—speaks to me.

“Hello, Markus Red.” A key appears above the ant and floats up to me. “Here. You will need this eventually. It unlocks locker seventeen at the rest station.”

I take the key and put it in my pocket. “Okay.”

Ada whistles. “You just got contacted by a Gido.”

I frown. “Gido? That ant was a person?”

“Yes. They are a race known as the Gido. They’re the caretakers of reality.”

“And he was an ant.”

“She, technically.” Ada shrugs. “If you want to know more, ask your sage.”

“Sure.” I try to ignore the ridiculous aliens that are all around me.

“We’re meeting at a seventh level park in the next district.” Kevin checks his smartphone. “Great. We’re still on time. Oxygen is free on this planet, so we won’t have to worry about that.”

We walk along the large boulevard. Beneath us, through the glass, is a road filled with cars that seem suspiciously normal, considering how alien their occupants are.

We reach a small plaza that’s floating in the sky with a lot of waterfalls and greenery. I spot, coming towards us, the tallest person I have ever seen in my life. She towers over the rest of the inhabitants of the garden, though none of them even seem to be bothered by her. She approaches us and stands over our party. My head goes up to a bit above her knee. I have to crane my neck to see her face.

And by god, she is beautiful. Not as beautiful as Ada, but Ada’s beauty is sort of artificial. Her eyes are oversized for her face in a very attractive way. Her skin is clear and white, as is her hair. She has figure-eight infinity pupils. The way she walks is a bit strange. When I look at her feet, I see hooves made of pure steel. Her hands make Shaq’s look like the hands of a baby. Her eyes are pink, like the color of a ghost’s.

She kneels down and looks at me. “Hello.” Her voice is quiet, almost a whisper, a contrast to her figure. The universal translator kicks in after each line she speaks, doubling the amount of time it takes for her to say things. “My name is Snow. I’m a racorphan.”

“Are you our species?” I still have to look up at her even though she is bent down.

Snow speaks into her translator first. Her language sounds a bit like German. “Yes, I am. We’re sexually compatible, if that is what you wanted to know.”

“Um, yeah. I guess that’s what being the same species means.” I blink a few times. “Are you the person we’re supposed to be meeting?”

“Of course.” The girl stands back up.

“She’s fifteen foot three.” Kevin sits down on a small metal bench. “And she’ll be traveling with us for a while.”

Ronald whistles. “Don’t think I’d want to try her in a fight.”

I do my best to grin. “You’ve got that right.”

“Come with me.” Snow turns.

We follow her.

 

3

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